It�s sometimes sobering to be reminded at times that I have found some kind of normalcy in feeling alone. Sometimes it�s like random things that remind me that at the end of the day I�m kind of alone.

Some days it takes all my strength to even try to remember a moment where all of me felt like there was someone next to me... Where I could see myself not dieing unloved and alone.

I�ve had that moment of puppy love that everyone should be lucky enough to have, and yet it was like nothing �normal� it didn�t even end the way it was suppose to. You know where we just drift apart or one of us cheats on the other or parents get a new job and we move far far away. Yeah nothing was normal... But I guess in some ways that�s a good thing.

Since then sure I have had my small string of �relationships� dates and maybe it�s me but I seem to attract the crazy people. I mean there�s been the girl who accused me of stealing her camera, which I never did! Then there was the �what�s the partridge family� comment I know I know silly but such a huge thing for a pop culture junky such as myself. There's been the girl who was dating some girl and seeing me but I had no idea about such things so when she introduced me to said girlfriend while we were on a date was amusing... I mean all I ask is tell me I�m being used as a fuck buddy and that you�re in an open relationship... That�s not much to ask I mean really. Then there was ash�s good intentions gone wrong. She had a friend she figured I would be perfect with and at the end of the night I�m informed that if I lost a few pounds I would be the perfect girlfriend.... Yeah needless to say that didn�t help the old self-esteem. Then you got the typical random dates but all in all they all ended up not being able to hold a simple conversation... (Such a turn off) The last decent thing I can actually claim I had was a couple dates with this chick Chris but yeah like all good things that didn�t work out... Then there was the Jamaican security guard lol yeah still feeling guilty about that...

But all in all I think the saddest of all these musings is the best offer I have had in a long while was Alijondro and yeah we can figure out why that just wouldn�t work...

*sigh* friendships are hard enough to deal with I think I'll just work on those... Besides when I'm the 70 year old Cat lady (allergies be damned) I'll need my friends!

Okay I�ll stop musing, about all the shit nobody cares about.

Stale || Fresh

Leftovers...

A life time isn't aslong as it use to be - August 24, 2006
Heart bleeding in the end - May 05, 2006
Heads spinning - March 17, 2006
Kind of interesting - February 23, 2006
ten years in the making - February 19, 2006