So I was on Amazon.com Just paroozing and I got curious so I decided to look at my shopping history.... So yeah nothing exciting there a couple books, one or two movies and a gift certificate here and there. My last purchase there was a gift certificate and to be honest since one transaction seriously makes me pissed off. Or at least as pissed off as I can actually ever really get, which for the most part isn't that mad at all really. But more just disappointed and a little upset.
You see the thing about this one gift, it was for someone's birthday and they never said thanks or hey I got it or anything. It says that it was used so I have no doubt in my mind that this person got it but to not say thanks or anything... It just makes me upset I mean I didn't have to do it and it wasn't like an afterthought or anything. Okay so I went against my hate of giving gift certificates as gifts. But like I wasn't going to see this person anytime soon and it was easier to just you know like send them that. But whatever this isn't the point. The point is it wouldn't kill a person to just I don't know let me know they got it.
But what makes me pissed off the most is that this makes me so upset. I guess when you put faith in someone and then they repeatedly disappoint you in some way it hurts a little. What the fuck I'll just admit it. It ends up hurting a whole lot. To be honest this one thing hurts I think more then most things do.
You see I'm not the type of person to put all my eggs in one basket... I have learned to take most people with a grain of salt. Over the years I learned the handy technique of shutting out people, forgetting all about them when they do something I don't like. Or if they just wrong me in some way. I'm the type of kid who unless you do something that my morality wont condone I brush it off by the next day.
This however is something different, mostly because I never took this person with a grain of salt. I love and care for this person more then I guess I should ever have. I allowed myself to get to this vulnerable spot, a place that I think only one or two family members ever see.
So yeah this one little action hurts because it's bottled up with one or two other actions that prove to me this person doesn't care. In fact this person may never have had cared.
When they said they understood me maybe they never did? They would see what has happened and would understand.... Wouldn't they!

Maybe I've turned all of this into something bigger then it was ever meant to be? But damit my feelings matter and what has happened here has broken a part of my heart I don't remember ever really having used. *sigh* I'm pathetic...

The sad thing is I'm better now then I was then yet I still wish this person was in my life... I hold on to the belief life would be even better if this one thing was different.

Why o why did I have to go and learn how to let people in?

Stale || Fresh

Leftovers...

A life time isn't aslong as it use to be - August 24, 2006
Heart bleeding in the end - May 05, 2006
Heads spinning - March 17, 2006
Kind of interesting - February 23, 2006
ten years in the making - February 19, 2006