I've never had problems making friends, In truth I know more people then I actually know what to do with. But to like actually maintain anything substantial with anyone seems to be super duper hard for me. And it's really not like I haven't tried because lord knows I have. But you know sometimes that's not good enough...
But you know this doesn't help my psyche any, because I have this fear of just winding up alone in every possible way imaginable. Not to mention I hate feeling vulnerable, stupid and or just plain confused. But it never fails I always seem to feel such ways I can't help it. People just seem to do these things or like I do something that I didn't know I did but no one says anything and I'm just like "what the fuck happened now"...
Okay so I know I'm all like blah blah blah but this sooo has a point besides just me venting...
I think the point is I hate not being secure in the relationships I have I know I should be in like at least one or two of them... But I'm not it's like I'm constantly just waiting for the other shoe to drop, waiting to be all alone again just me and my pc.
So the question really is I guess you could say is how do I become secure in the relationships I have. I know there's no guarantees in life that crazy unexpected things do tend to happen... But I think the relationships you build at least the good ones shouldn't have this impending doom.... For me anyway the only impending doom I saw from like a mile away was my relationship with Silvia... But that's a completely different thing, I've never had a relationship with someone where it was more of a what she gets from the relationship then I do... Bottom line is I know the ins and outs of her life and well she, she still remembers the 16 year old Brittani and yeah I'm not that girl anymore...

But I digress I talk to much!

Stale || Fresh

Leftovers...

A life time isn't aslong as it use to be - August 24, 2006
Heart bleeding in the end - May 05, 2006
Heads spinning - March 17, 2006
Kind of interesting - February 23, 2006
ten years in the making - February 19, 2006