There�s not many reasons why I�m slightly unsure about this San Francisco thing, but you could say there are one or two things that keep me up at night making me wonder if I should even go for it. Even though I know it�s something I have wanted my entire life. I can�t say that about most things if anything else so that in it�s self makes me want to jump on the band wagon even more.

But like I wonder what if moving in with Lolly ruins our friendship? When you really think about it do we have anything in common so where living together wouldn�t ruin a really great friendship/ You know this is the biggest thing that has me one foot in the idea and the other foot trying to run as far away from the idea.

Anyone who takes the time to really get to know me knows I don�t have many friends, and to be honest that doesn�t really bother me. But what bothers me is the few I do have I seem to loose like you loose the left sock in the washing machine.... Or maybe it�s the dryer (I could never figure that one out). You know I really don�t think I could loose another friend, I don�t think my psyche could actually handle it. Hell I still can�t wrap my mind on some of the things that have happened in the past year with some people.

The only other thing that worries me is the actually certainties of it all. I don�t want this to be like most things in my life where other people come into play. Like where I bring up an idea or someone else brings up an idea. I get completely excited and I get so into it and then I find out yeah sure enough it was just an idea. I�ve had that scene play out so many times that now I can�t even get excited or even motivated in the concept. Sure it�s 6 months away so it�s a little early to get excited. But then again do you all know how fast 6months can come and go? I mean this year is almost over and it actually to me anyway still feels like it just began. So yeah I don�t want this to be another one of those things that disappoints me.

Next year I�ll be 23 and I really need something to start happening for me and I like to entertain the notion this could be something. This could be a very large baby step but the one kind of step I really need. So yeah I�m going to do my thing save money, cut back on my insane spending, find a new job pay off some icky bills and hope that in the end besides these things just being a good thing for me... That I haven�t put all my eggs in the one basket that�s a slight let down...

This in no way has anything to do with my faith in my Friend... Just things I have learned a long the way... We can all thank my self serving friends for this one...

*sigh* I think too much but I have needed to get this down because it�s been in my head since day one. And like writing always helps to let some of my insecurities lay to rest.

"A is for adult which is what ill never be"

Stale || Fresh

Leftovers...

A life time isn't aslong as it use to be - August 24, 2006
Heart bleeding in the end - May 05, 2006
Heads spinning - March 17, 2006
Kind of interesting - February 23, 2006
ten years in the making - February 19, 2006