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And the fights keep coming... So I think I'll vent about other stuff

3:21 p.m. || February 21, 2005

So I like everyone on earth has one of those lovely dysfunctional families, and I just like any semi sane person out there wants nothing more then to brake free from said dysfunction. Preferably I would like to get away from here without having to kick, scream and pull my hair our. But If I have to use violence, loose my voice and go bald in the process I think I might be willing to do all of those things.
I mean seriously I would be here all day and all of tomorrow if I wanted to write and tell you about all the things my family namely my parents did to make me such a crack pot. But because it doesn�t matter what they did or didn�t do and because deep down I know I can�t blame them forever for everything. Plus not like anyone really wants to or cares to read about how I have always been the misunderstood black sheep of said family...

So what am I going to do you may ask... Well, yours truly is just going to bitch about the stuff that�s gone on in the past week or so.

1ST things 1st everyone will agree I�m 22 10 days away from being 23 and that except for my really strange kiddie, dorky moment I am in every way your avg, 20 something and *gasp* I can even be mature at times.
So like if I know this and like you know this why can�t the parental units know this! I�m fucking tired of having to explain myself to my Mom and my Father... I mean for the most part I�m a good kid hell compared to half the people I know I�m a fucking saint. I�m not an alcoholic, I don�t do drugs, I don�t smoke anything that possibly could be smoked, I have never been arrested, I hate almost all kinds of parties, I don�t do clubs because most of them suck, calling in sick for work is actually a hard thing for me to do, I�m always on time and for fucks sake I don�t even ask for lots of days off when I could... I swear I have my fun side don�t get me wrong I�m not a complete stick in the mud... But shit I�m a good person.. Hell I don�t even like Caffeine!!!! So yes I practically have a halo on top of my head but my parents think I�m out there doing god knows what with god knows who... I�m 22 and they act like I�m still in High School it�s fucking ridiculous. Not to mention if you go off and live on your own for awhile and then come home to your overprotective, fun killing, rules making, image is everything soul sucking out of, parents. You�ll never adjust back into the way they like things to be done.... Why O� why did I ever come back here? Well, okay so I do know the reasons but like those reasons all are empty now... So I like to think maybe I cam back to make some new friends and learn some interesting things along the way.... But still Why!!!

Okay on to another thing that�s starting to piss me off.... Namely a certain brother of mine who keeps making stupid fucking mistakes. Now by know means am I anywhere near perfect... But there is such a thing called learning from thy mistakes. Yeah well he hasn�t figured it out and he�s starting to make all the same mistakes all over again. Sure some of the factors are different but still what happened last time was so huge that this time it could get even worse... God forbid the worst happens but if it does he�ll be looking at real jail time this time. Not to mention just the shit he is pulling with his finances I mean let�s think about this I can�t afford car insurance but I can afford all the shit I don�t actually need. Okay so this is me kind of calling the kettle black because I have a bad spending habit but I mean there�s stupidity and then there�s STUPIDITY. Okay so maybe I�m just pissed off because my mom feels this huge need to help him out so while she is helping him out I have to give her money, a.k.a. my savings and part of my paychecks, and in the mean while I get to be broke, pay off my crappy bills and just hope that this time she wont fucking screw me out of my money... So yes I�m kind of bitter. I don�t think I would be as bitter but like I was saving my money and the day I decided I had a good heep of change I was going to go to the bank and open my savings the moment I�m about to walk out my mom is like �Brittani can I borrow...� the exact amount of money I had in my pocket.... Then it went from I�ll pay you back in a week to at the end of the month to the end of the following month... So yes I�m bitter because I make meer duckets compared to like everyone else in this fucking house... Not to mention out of my brothers and even my mom I�m the only one who has never asked to borrow cash like ever... Okay lie but if I do ask for money it�s been like twenty bucks, and I was either in H.S. or out of work. I�m just tired of being the good Samaritan when I�m trying to get my life back on track...
But they wouldn�t understand that because they don�t see me wanting nor trying to make myself a better person. Plus it wouldn�t actually surprise me if my mom is trying to sabotage me from moving because I can tell she really doesn�t want me to go back up north. She rather me live around here or wait a little longer but I wish she could understand I�m drowning here and I hate it....

Okay so this is a lot longer then I wanted it to be so I guess I�ll stop here for fear that if I don�t I�ll never end it...

So yeah

Stale || Fresh

Leftovers...

A life time isn't aslong as it use to be - August 24, 2006
Heart bleeding in the end - May 05, 2006
Heads spinning - March 17, 2006
Kind of interesting - February 23, 2006
ten years in the making - February 19, 2006