Has anyone ever had a relationship with someone friendship or other wise that was completely self serving for the other person. A relationship where honestly you get nothing out of it ever? Okay maybe once upon a time you got something out of it but that was a long time ago.

Take for example my "friendship" with Silvia, I've known her for like 10 years and for I'd say 7 maybe 8 of those years have done nothing for myself. I mean this is a girl who says I'm her best friend who says she knows me better then anyone yet the only thing she knows is....

1. My favorite fragrance is Strawberry Champaign (which in truth I haven't liked since I was 18)
2. In many conversations she has repeatedly told me I'm the most conventional person out of our mutual friends ... Yet anyone who knows me probably would laugh at that thought.
3. She knows that my favorite color is green.
4. That I love purses

But anything more then that I would be suprised...
In truth those four things were hard enough trying to think up.

It's all the important things she doesn't know or if she does know I haven't told her because somewhere a long the road she stopped listening and I surprised caring to tell her. That's one of the problems as seeing some friends more like family...

Like I've never told her because she's never taken the time to listen that I'm gay.
and she has no idea what my relationship is like with my parents or about the wedding fiasco. Hell she has no idea im scared of lightning.

Plus if you ask her what she sees me doing in my future its simple enough... Single mother.. and yes maybe that's some actual option but really that's not exactly where I see myself when and if I ever grow up.

Now granted maybe it's my fault she doesn't know who I am, and maybe it's her fault she doesn't get that I'm trying to get away from her world. Maybe I wish she would just get pissed off that I don't call her back or that getting me to hang out with her takes a lot of convincing. But then again there are those moments when we do hang out that I know why were still "friends" despite it all....

I don't even know what the point to this entry is... But I guess it's just to get this off of my chest at the moment because I'm sick and tired of feeling obligated to stay her friend in someways... But in other ways in most ways I know it's stupid to stay friends with someone where you can't speak where over the years the more you hang out the less you have to say because I never have nothing to say....

But then again that is if you know me...

Stale || Fresh

Leftovers...

A life time isn't aslong as it use to be - August 24, 2006
Heart bleeding in the end - May 05, 2006
Heads spinning - March 17, 2006
Kind of interesting - February 23, 2006
ten years in the making - February 19, 2006