How is it that memories, things that hurt so much you bleed all those kind of things that can keep you up at night. How come you can never really get over any of it? Sure you might be able to move on. You might even be able to forget about things for half a second but it's never really gone.

It's in every teenaged converse wearing punk high school student... It's in every 90's alternative bands lyrics. It's even in that African American rag doll that you gave a fake story on how you acquired it because the truth of the matter hurts too much....

People wonder why you never leave the house unless you have to or because your sanity or lack there of is getting to you....
But how do you explain that the sky tends to be too blue or you see memories in every corner of your neighborhood.
How do you make sense of it all? When your bedroom is closing in on you yet it's still the only place you feel safe.

How do you explain that your dreams of dead bodes have come back to haunt you? H

How do you tell the few friends you really have that you don't know how to trust them completely... That your still keeping one eye open for them to disappoint....

I'm tired of not trusting people but I don't know how to be real anymore. I hate always seeming to take ten steps forward to only have to take 8 steps back. I could blame so many things on all this shit. But it's MY FAULT for allowing people to constantly do this to me....

I wish I could be open... I wish I could rip my heart out and let it bleed in front of everyone. But I just can't not even for a select few because sooner or later everyone leaves. And the few who don't.. Well let's face it nobody doesn't!

Disappointment is life I know that... But I'm tired of constantly being proven wrong about things and people I think I have known...

*sigh* I'm tired.... Maybe all those years ago when I tried but was stoped... Maybe he shouldn't have... But it's too late now because I now I couldn't even when I want to...

Stale || Fresh

Leftovers...

A life time isn't aslong as it use to be - August 24, 2006
Heart bleeding in the end - May 05, 2006
Heads spinning - March 17, 2006
Kind of interesting - February 23, 2006
ten years in the making - February 19, 2006