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sometimes I think I'm only half alive

12:38 a.m. || April 16, 2005

Maybe it's because I'm tired, or maybe I've just been thinking much to long and way to hard.

But right at this moment I feel rather __________- actually I can't think of an exact word that really defines how I am feeling.

I know I'm feeling a little scared, frustrated, vulnerable, angry and about a million other things.

I'm scared because I don't know which way is up most days...
I'm angry at myself, and others.
I'm angry that until I admit to the right people that I took the wrong path I'll be stuck...
I'm angry that admitting I was wrong will cost me a cool 30,000 that I don't have and refuse to actually think of giving it back.
I'm feeling vulnerable, angry, frustrated and a million other things because I can't seem to let myself go. As much as I love the people I am around, I can't let them in... Not really, I try but I can't and it hurts, Because when I say I'm fine or everything's okay or when I graze over an issue.... It's really not enough because there's so much more that could be said, so much more that I want to say....
I really wish I could be vulnerable again
But there's this fucking wall,....

I'm tired so who wants to build a door for me? The old one was cemented over... I could name the folks who did the cementing... But what would the point be?

Okay so I need sleep...

I work all day tomorrow. The Joy?

By the by if anyone sees help wanted signs let me know...

Stale || Fresh

Leftovers...

A life time isn't aslong as it use to be - August 24, 2006
Heart bleeding in the end - May 05, 2006
Heads spinning - March 17, 2006
Kind of interesting - February 23, 2006
ten years in the making - February 19, 2006