Okay I'm officially done with it...

I'm done with having everyone (minus maybe 3 people) who seem to think they have all the rights in the world to bend and brake me. You see I'm tired!

That's right I'm fucking tired, I'm tired of people walking in to my life and telling me I have to do things there way... Sorry my happiness is not going to ever not then and not know rely on what others want out of me.

The way I look at it is people are always going to tell me that I need to loose weight if I want them to love me or for them to be proud of me or for me to go somewhere... Because lord knows I'll always be an embarrassment to some people.
And god knows I keep things inside to the point I boil over every now and then, and sure maybe it's not the best thing in the world But most people will never understand that. Some people don't get it's a creepy process with me that works believe it or not and will always chalk it up to me being crazy. Thank you starshine and skittle the bitches of east wick... I know I shouldn't blame others but fuck it if people didn't always tell me to keep inside!

Lord know's I've done stupid things broken up with really great girls because my friends at the time couldn't see how beautiful they were and it was easier to loose a girl friend then it was a "friend". I've gone on crash diets in hopes that I would be loved, play sports to see that look of pride in my daddies eyes... Didn't go to my own fucking graduation because no one would have gone because I didn't get the job everyone wanted me to get....

Life always seems like it's one ultimatum after another for me... So I kind of wonder like after nights like to night maybe everyone else could do my life better, maybe I should just listen to everyone else!

You know move out of state, loose weight, see a therapist, get that job everyone keeps talking about, be straighter then straight, give every penny I don't have to help pay mom or Jedd's bills or whatever the fuck....

So yes I'm tired... I'm tired of wanting to please everyone, I'm tired that it's always there way or no way... I'm tired of not knowing which way is up and pushing back...

Because pushing back doesn't work and I've learned to just say fuck off or worse shut down when people think they know what's best...

Frankly people just don't know me and honestly if the people in my life if this is there only way of knowing what to do with me... Then fuck it I don't need them either because frankly I know I'm a work in progress I know there's lots of work to be done. But you know what I'm not the only one and I'm sick and tired of being told that it's me....

Nope it can never be anyone else....

So someone tell me honestly what's the point of knocking down all your walls when everyone seems bent on building there own walls for you?

At least I can say there are three people I can think of whom have never wanted anything from me... Who actually never wanted me to change in such a forced upon matter....
It's all about the silver linings people, but sometimes even that isn't enough!

Stale || Fresh

Leftovers...

A life time isn't aslong as it use to be - August 24, 2006
Heart bleeding in the end - May 05, 2006
Heads spinning - March 17, 2006
Kind of interesting - February 23, 2006
ten years in the making - February 19, 2006