Someday's I wish we all lived in the land of the Musical, where singing on a green covered valley or tap dancing your way through a department store wouldn't lead to people thinking your completely nuts.

Other days I can plan my funeral to the very last detail, from whom will be there to what will be said. Even the type of flowers that would fill the church, and since I'm already going there I'll admit I even know how I will die. It's ever so tragic a pure drama queen moment.

Then there's times like tonight where my brain is working so fast I can't even keep up with it. It's times like these where I feel like I'm going a hundred miles an hours and if I stop or take a breath or even sit to think about it all I'll burst into a thousand tiny little pieces.

Most day's I realize I'm a complete odd ball and most day's I wouldn't have it any other way I completely enjoy my insanity.

Other day's I scare myself at the dark places I tend to go, at the things I do, say or mostly think. The feeling of being unclean the fear that rakes my body because what if everyone sees what I know?

I try to be an optimist but I can't help but be pessimistic some days... Look around and see the isolation the insanity the feeling that the walls are slowly closing in around me.

It's strange some of the things I'll harden myself to.... Like did you know I have come to peace in a lot of ways to winding up single for a very long time even if it ends up being till the end of my days... I'm still working on the no children idea, but that's one of those things I don't think I'd ever be okay with.

I know these ramblings piss some people I know off, makes some roll there eyes some even look at me with sad eyes. And I'm okay with that since I don't take the time to talk to anyone about anything really anymore. But to be fair I never really talked to many people about anything... I guess talking scares me to some degree because I worry I'll lose people in the process (I know true friends will still be there) or that ill look weak, not that I've ever looked strong in the eyes of anyone....

I'm not completely sure why I'm like this tonight, I guess I just get in these moods sometimes. But whatever I need sleep for once in a long time I have an early morning wake up call....

This was playing in the background as I typed figured I'd share, Annie Lennox __no wonder I'm in a mood_

"The Hurting Time"

To everything there is a purpose ...
To every blade of grass
And every leaf on every tree
Every livin' thing will surely
Come to pass
And what will be will be ...
That's when the hurtin' time begins

And all the things you never said
Or didn't have the strengh to say
And everything you ever did
That time won't ever wash away
Fears that you've been livin' with
Come runnin' down your face
Runnin' down your face
When the hurtin' time begins ...

So tell me what the day brings
Has it lost it's thrill?
Are you still searching
Hoping for that
Space to fill ...
Everything you turn to
Is like a mirror on the shelf
And the only one you're blaming
is yourself

A million little deaths you've died
The times that you've been crucified
The more you've loved and lost and tried
And still could not be satisfied
When will you be satisfied?
When will you be satisfied?
Not till the hurtin' time begins

Stale || Fresh

Leftovers...

A life time isn't aslong as it use to be - August 24, 2006
Heart bleeding in the end - May 05, 2006
Heads spinning - March 17, 2006
Kind of interesting - February 23, 2006
ten years in the making - February 19, 2006