Okay so there are some things I need to do, okay it's more like things I have to do. First thing on my to do list is the one thing I'm honestly not looking forward to doing and that would be looking for a new job. I just have this overwhelming feeling that I'm nothing any employer is looking for. The only real reason I think I have this in my head is because of the 6 month stint I took a while back where I was turned down by everyone. Honestly I have tried almost every bakery in this area I've had enough try outs and what not to be completely discouraged. I know talent wise I don't exactly suck, but at the same time I can't exactly seem to prove myself to anyone most importantly not even myself.
So yeah I tried Bakery's and Catering companies, so it's time to try Restaurants now. I'm sure there is someone out there who is willing to give me half a fighting chance. I miss the days of when I had a job I actually liked where going there didn't put me in to slight panic attacks, or made me wonder what jerk I'd have to deal with today. My last job I liked it because I had some really great friends there but that's not enough reason to stay anywhere. Somedays I think that I would like to go back to my old job, but I know that's not like a real option.

Don't you hate when you think something is going to make things a little better and it like turns out that's just not the case. But I guess that's part of life it's all part of taking chances. I'm tired of taking these chances that lead to nowhere special. I need to do something drastic... But the last time I did something Drastic I went to the CCA in San Francisco. Okay so that was that something drastic that I will never regret, it was one of the few things that kind of went right. I just wish I could make something of myself now.

I know I will make something of myself because I have to, I don't want to be one of those people who let chances just blow away with the wind. I use to pride myself on the fact that my life's goal really was just to live and to do everything on my own terms, to make myself something great but by going at it in the most unconventional ways. But now that I'm kind of on this road of unconventional I wonder if I fucked up royally with my choices? It's hard to believe I did fuck up. but I know I can't really get off this road, not if I want to do something great. I have to continue to believe the me I am now is better then the me before but that doesn't mean I'm not as confusing as this entry....

I ramble and this is only for my own needing to just vent. Because lets face it nobody reads this shit and if they do nobody I'm sure understands what I'm trying to say or what I'm not saying for that matter.

I don't fear living I just fear growing up.... Funny that.

Stale || Fresh

Leftovers...

A life time isn't aslong as it use to be - August 24, 2006
Heart bleeding in the end - May 05, 2006
Heads spinning - March 17, 2006
Kind of interesting - February 23, 2006
ten years in the making - February 19, 2006